Part One: Why friends (& especially lady friends) are
important.
I’ve realized over the years that it is much harder to make
new friends. I’m no longer in college where most of my peers are my age and we
have similarly crazy schedules and lots of excuses to hang out. I am the
youngest one in my office by about twenty years. I recently moved about an hour
away from most of my friends after getting married to have less of a hellish
commute, and frankly, maintaining my current, valuable friendships requires a
lot of time and effort (not that I mind one bit) so making new friends isn’t
really a huge priority.
I look through Facebook, and while some of you are people I
hold dearly and maintain meaningful friendships with outside of cyber space,
many of you are acquaintances, friends of friends, and [somewhat sadly] people
with whom I used to be very close, but over time and distance and busy
schedules we’ve drifted apart. Relationships on all spectrums are hard work!
I must admit that there is something thrilling about new,
budding friendships, however. It’s a lot like the exciting first few weeks and
months of dating someone—you learn your likes and dislikes and what you have in
common. You slowly divulge your less-than-polished parts and nuances about
yourself that you wouldn’t want your everyday acquaintances to know, because,
let’s face it, you’re kind of a weirdo.
When you make a new friend based on a shared interest—it’s
great; things feel comfortable and you always have a fall back plan on what to
talk about if you’re having an especially boring day. You find new friends
begin to pass “friendship tests” or meet subliminal standards you didn’t even
know you had—they pep talk you when you need it most; they don’t tell anyone
about your latest embarrassment or Instagram a super unflattering picture of
you; they make you a meal and show up with wine after a bad day; they hate the
same TV show characters you do; you accidentally clogged the toilet at their place,
and voila—you’ve slipped into a more intense and honest friendship territory.
Those are the kind of friends I love, and when you have
those friends, you don’t need to worry about how many you have or how often you
see each other, because they will always be there when you need them the most.
You can go weeks or months without talking sometimes, but you’ll always pick
right back up where you left off. Treasure these people.
I have male and female friends, and I cherish all of them.
As a woman, my lady friends usually just get me better, and this is who I’m
speaking to today.
I am lucky to have some of the most beautiful friends
(inside and out)—smart, ambitious women who also are respectful and caring;
they don’t always have perfect lives, but they are always moving forward, and
doing so without stepping on or tearing down others. They overcome hard times,
tight budgets, and complacency. They’re buying houses, and having babies, going
to grad school, adopting puppies, and making big moves! I’m always amazed.
And
these women with their busy, eventful lives, are the same women who will spend
an hour listening to me bitch about a bad day. They encourage and also straight
talk. These are the kind of people I hope everyone is fortunate enough to have around
them. If you’re not—talk to me! I’ll give you the hook up!
Part 2: Get to the point
I started writing this because I was wondering—what if some
of my “internet friends” are thinking like me? Like “Gee—I wonder how so and so
is doing? I’d love to catch up but after this long I’d feel like an idiot
initiating it.” Most often, I hear from long lost people when they need a favor—no
shame! If I can help I will! It’s just how things work on the internet.
And then I was thinking about ways to get some nice,
intelligent ladies together to either meet new friends or reconnect with old
friends and/or acquaintances. And then I was thinking…hmm I’m not really that
interesting….and I don’t DO a ton of different things.
I’ve learned that the ability to meet new people is often based
on your willingness to A. Try new things and B. Put on real clothes outside of
your work hours. You know who meets people? Young adults who go to outdoor
beers gardens in the summer or play indoor soccer or teach yoga classes. I
ATTEND yoga classes, but while I’m there my glasses are off so they don’t sweat
off my face or fog up, so I can’t see anyone anyway. Once class is over, I look
such a mess and feel so gross that I just jettison my ass right out of there—minimal
small talk= missed opportunities.
If you were to ask my husband what I like to do, he would
tell you “Bake & Read.” He thinks I’m pretty lame because I’m not into paintball
or RC airplanes.
That’s not entirely accurate, because I DO enjoy doing other
things (this statement will be even truer when the weather starts creeping
above the freezing point), but it’s pretty on point.
I love to read. I will read almost anything and everything—from
fantasy fiction (HELLO, Harry Potter!) to historical biographies. I love true
crime novels and funny autobiographies. I love Tolkien and Dumas. Poehler and Fey. Knipfel and Piccoult.
I’ve read lots of books turned major motion pictures: Gone
Girl, Hunger Games, A Prayer for Owen Meany, The Book Thief, etc. (I’m that kind
of person who always says READ THE BOOK FIRST! And I will be a snob about Game
of Thrones and gripe about how poorly adapted the TV show is!)
When I was a kid, my mom would diligently take me and my
siblings to the library once every other week or so. It was awesome, and I
would walk out with the maximum number of books my library card would allow. She
fostered my love of reading, and loathed cable TV, so I either had to entertain
myself outside climbing trees and pretending to run away or read a book. My
time was usually spent split between the two options.
When I lived at home, whenever my sisters or I would buy a
new book, within a few months, it was almost always passed around and read by
all three of us. Now that I’ve packed up my books (I may have stolen a few of
my sister’s….) and moved out, I really only rarely swap books with one or two
friends.
What I really enjoy about reading is gathering my own
opinion about the book, and then conferring with someone else who’s also read it
and getting their take! Literature leaves so much to the imagination
(especially when compared with movies, TV, and other forms of entertainment—both
stimulating and less so) that it’s amazing how differently characters, themes,
and “lessons” can be interpreted from one person to the next.
Whenever I hear about book clubs or see them portrayed in
movies, it’s usually a group of middle aged women getting together to discuss
the latest romance novel they’ve read over wine (not a terrible idea) and get a
night away from their demanding families. I don’t judge anyone for any reading
choices ever (except for maybe Fifty Shades of Gray…because…well, I’m gonna
judge you.)
I am sending an open invitation to my friends and
acquaintances in both the real and virtual worlds who have a passion for
reading to get together with other intelligent women with similar interests.
At the risk of
sounding supremely corny—I’d like to propose the Walk & Talk: a “book club”
of sorts that reads one book a month and gets together at the end of the month
to take a group walk—whether it be a stroll on the boardwalk, a hike through
the mountains, or a march through the mall—and discuss our thoughts on the
book. We get some exercise, we get to express our innermost feelings about the
books, and we can to hang out with some awesome ladies!
Does this sound like something that would interest you? Please,
share your thoughts : )
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