Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Things I’ve recently realized that I should have known by now

Things I’ve recently realized that I should have known by now:

1. Everything takes work—consistent work, and usually, more work than you think.

            a. It has been over 2 months since I’ve even written a blog entry—something that I thought would come naturally and easily, because I enjoy doing it. Wrong. It takes work to remember to write. It takes work to think of what to write, and even more work to make it sound vaguely interesting. I am making a promise to myself to work harder at this, because I do enjoy it, and I really like reading other people’s work and thinking They are going to love having this to look back on in the future. I read a complete stranger’s blog today (a friend of one of my high school teachers, whom I have never met,) and I found myself in tears reading about her experience with the loss of her baby. I feel awful that she went through it, but her entries were beautiful and real—I felt like I knew her and was really sharing in a part of her life. I don’t have any monumental experiences to write about, but I think that it’s incredible that people can connect this way.

            b. My relationship takes work. Oh my goodness, it takes so much work to be a good girlfriend. I can’t even imagine how much more work it will take to be a wife—maybe once you have the girlfriend thing down, it won’t be as bad. Men really think on this whole other level that is completely incomprehensible sometimes if you’re not trying REALLY hard to figure them out. Brian is always telling me how complicated I am, when in fact I say everything exactly the way I mean it. (Side Note: this bluntness tends to get me into trouble.) I like to plan things ahead of time, and make back up plans to my back up plans, and have dates and times and addresses—this way, no one is ever confused. He doesn’t understand why I feel the need to do that, and therefore he thinks it is complicating. I don’t understand why he won’t just pick a movie or a restaurant or make any sort of plan ever. One would think that after two years, you get it. This does not come easily to me, nor does compromise, but I am working harder everyday to try and really see from other people’s point of view. It is so true that you hurt the one’s you love the most—you’re stuck in the house with your family, or you see your boyfriend and your best friend so often that you forget to filter what comes out of your mouth, and these people who are closest with you end up getting the brunt of your bad day at work. I know I personally fight with my sisters more than I’ve argued with everyone else combined (although Brian comes in at a close second.)

            c. Feeling accomplished takes work. One of my big goals in life is to write an Op-Ed for the New York Times. That’s a lofty goal, so a good runner up for me would just be to get paid to write something notable—something that someone somewhere will acknowledge that they have read, and hopefully enjoyed. That’s another big reason I’m committing myself to being more committed to this blog; I need to improve my writing skills. Everyone can improve, and it definitely puts good ideas in my head reading other people’s writings. Even at my job, which is not glamorous or fancy, I am working to feel accomplished. I hate wasting time, and I don’t like feeling like I’m doing good enough to not get fired. I want to do my best for this company, whether I care about construction testing and inspections services or not. I put together my first real, big bid the other day—all by myself. It felt good to have it done right, and have my boss say “Wow, that’s done already?!” Do whatever it is you’re doing well, and you will never regret it—even if you don’t get recognition, you’ll feel just that more accomplished.

            d. Getting my 18 year old body back is taking A LOT of work. Last time I wrote, I was considering going to the gym. Shortly after, I signed up for a year long gym membership. I have been going every week (with the Exception of the time I spent in Florida, which was awesome by the way!) since I signed up, and trying for 3-4 times a week, even though there have been a couple 2 – 3 times a week weeks. Do you want to know how many pounds I lost? 0. Also known as zero. That’s right! None. I think I’m looking a little… different, if not, less chunky, but my weight has stayed exactly the same according to my digital scale. I believe that muscle really does way more than fat, and I’m gaining muscle as I lose the chunk so it’s all balancing out. We will see how this goes. I could stand to eat a few less fun size Three Musketeers Bars.

2. Just because you’re right, it doesn’t mean you’re right. There’s not much to say on this subject. It’s pretty self-explanatory. Lately, I’ve been right a lot. I’ve been right about what time the movie was supposed to start, and how many times we did whatever, and the definition of whatever word. I’ve been right in lots of petty arguments with Brian, but where has it gotten me? No where. Just because someone is being a huge hussy, doesn’t mean you’re right in telling everyone you know that she is a huge hussy. You get where I am going with this. I realize when I start talking about other people, it’s only because a. I’m really, really pissed at them and if I don’t vent about it, my head will literally explode (not that it’s a worthy excuse) or b. my life has gotten so boring that I need to talk about someone else’s to make myself feel better—both of which sound pretty pathetic. I’m not going to lie though— sometimes a girl’s night full of girl talk is just what every girl needs. This point ties into my last epiphany…

3. Choose your battles, and try, try, try to let go of the ones you decide are not worth fighting. This comes most in handy for my relationship with Brian, even though this takes a lot of work to practice what I’m preaching. There are things worth arguing about, and there are things that aren’t. I’m learning to pick what’s important to me and organize my logical argument into an easy to understand my point mini fight, instead of a long emotional disaster argument. I don’t want to be a nag, so for now I need to learn to lay off Brian for always leaving his wet clothes on the bathroom floor after a shower, and be patient while I’m telling him the date and time of our friend’s wedding that he has not yet requested off of work for, for the nine millionth time. He is a good man, and I don’t have much to complain about, so I should probably stop complaining so much. This goes for friends too.

Nothing gets under my skin as much a flakey friend—some one who says they’re going to do something and bails out at the last moment with lame excuses. I’m sure everyone has copped out last minute at one time or another—stuff happens, but try to keep it to a minimum, please, or else you’re going to drive all of us micromanagers and over-organizers out of our already unstable minds. At the same time, I need to learn to give people a break. Brian is always telling me to “let things roll off my back.” It might be one of my least favorite sayings, because my logic tells me that if you just kept your word, there would nothing needing any back rolling. I have always had high expectations of people, because if I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, you better deserve it. I’m learning to give my friends a break, or at least choosing not to cause any scenes over last minute plan breaking, until they do it so often, I chose to stop making plans with them in the first place.


  1. Vanessa, this write up is absolutely great. I enjoyed reading it! And about the "flakey fruends" I totally understand. I even made a selfie about It. Called it "Talk Is Cheap". Lol Can't wait to see what you're going to write about next. Ps. Extra points for the fab photo of you (shot by me) in the back. *wink*

  2. you said you wanted to write "something notable—something that someone somewhere will acknowledge that they have read and hopefully enjoyed" Well I enjoyed this so much! I love reading your stuff...keep writing, or I'll give you tons of hassle =) miss you